I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
