i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.