I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
