I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
