so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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