Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
