very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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