Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
