I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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