Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
