I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
