My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
