Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
