i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is wine microwaveable?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Holy shit dude........stairs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
