We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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