I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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