so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's official drugs can't kill me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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