i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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