I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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