So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
