if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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