my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
