I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
