thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
