there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
