i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
