K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
