You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
