are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize