I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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