Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
