Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
