She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
