remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
50% drunk capacity currently
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
