the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
