I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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