Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
