I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
