remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
