Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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