I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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