I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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