just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
