well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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