What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
