We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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