you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
