The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You are a genius and a whore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
