you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
