I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am naked and annoyed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
