There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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