I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
