If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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