honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
