Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
