working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
