Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
