non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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