you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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