Betty ford says i'm here all night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
