I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
did i just pee glitter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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