I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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